Thirteen Things A Stir-Crazy Woman Does

Okay, so yeah, y'all know I had foot surgery about a month ago. You'd think I'd be used to it, after all the surgeries I've had, but it never gets easier to be laid up for weeks on end. In the middle of winter. It hasn't been made easier by the fact that my daughter wrecked her car (she's okay) and now must drive mine, which means right about the time I'm feeling ready to get out into the world, I have no wheels.

The best revenge? Daughter is forced to drive the Mom-Mobile, possibily the most uncool car in the world.

Hey, that's what you get for wrecking your cool car, honey child. [smirk]

1. Lie in bed, staring at ceiling, wiggling foot all night because the pins are just annoying enough to keep you from relaxing. And the mind monkeys won't settle down.

2. Give up trying to sleep, get up at 4 a.m., wake up husband with the scrrrriiitch of velcro straps as you put on your walking boot.

3. Wander around the house with the gait of Igor from Young Frankenstein, trying not ot make noise and failing.

4. Clean bathroom cabinet drawers at 4:30 a.m.

5. Watch Martha Stewart.

6. Watch marathon episodes of past seasons of America's Next Top Model, wondering why you find a show filled with the world's shallowest women so fascinating.

7. Start talking to the morning anchors of Good Morning America.

8. Cry when Robin Roberts walks down the Fashion Week runway, sans wig.

9. Your best friend is a guest on Raven Radio. You call in just to harass her. Because hey, buy her a martini at RT and all will be forgiven.

10. Find a pint of Ben & Jerry's Brownie Chocolate Chunk ice cream hidden in the back of the freezer, and seriously consider murdering your husband for hiding it from you.

11. Stump out to the mailbox to carry on a conversation with the mail lady about the smashed up car parked at the curb. While standing in the rain. On crutches. With no coat.

12. Much as you appreciate your family taking over kitchen duty, you begin to miss your own cooking.

13. Look forward to doing laundry because, for that short time, you're moving your rear end around instead of watching it spread across the couch.

Here's to a better week ahead!

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