Friday Funny

In this bit of adorable-ness from the last night at RT Pittsburgh, Jennifer Dunne just can't take any more and looks for someplace to hide. The nearest safe harbor? Under Jo Christiansen's seat cushion. (Jo is a reader I've met at several cons - she's a sweetheart.)

Thirteen Things You Can't Live Without at RT

1. No fear of crowds. If you're claustrophobic, get in shape for using the stairs because the elevators will be packed!

2. Items to make your room as much of a peaceful sanctuary as possible: Music, candles, ear plugs, aromatherapy eye mask, your favorite comfort tea or coffee, your own pillow, bunny slippers, etc.

3. Food - Bring your own, because you can never depend on finding decent food at the hotel. Or, even if they do have a good restaurant or two on premises, you may not get a table. (Corollary - the hotel will probably be out of fridges. Bring a cooler or purchase a small fridge to haul with you. You'll be glad you did after a long day when you'd kill for an ice cold glass of something.)

4. Comfy shoes. Forget fashion - save your feet!

5. A good attitude. Be careful about bitching (even good-natured bantering) to random people - you may not recognize until it's too late to whom you're talking. ("Can you believe the terrible food at that luncheon? Oh, um, you're the author who sponsored it? Urk...")

6. Caffeine!

7. No qualms about talking to complete strangers. I meet the nicest people just standing around in lines!

8. A rolling suitcase for the free books. Or, if you're lucky, a hunky husband/s.o./con slave to trail in your wake, carrying everything for you.

9. A sense of humor. Pretend you're in boot camp with 1,500 of your closest friends. Stuff IS going to happen - roll with it with a smile.

10. A shawl. One room may be boiling, but the next one will be arctic, guaranteed.

11. A big supply of business cards, and an ample pocket in your bag to slip the ones handed to you. (And a pen to jot notes on the backs, or you'll never remember why you talked to this person!)

12. Camera. Don't be shy about snapping away with the shutter. Most authors will be pleasantly suprised you want their picture. :)

13. Water and more water!

More Thursday Thirteens here!

.

RT Booty Giveaway!

I'm back from RT, and I've got a load of goodies to give away!

Want in on the fun? Sign up for my email newsletter. All members are automatically entered in all my contests. :) Just make sure your account is NOT set to No Mail, though! Special Notices is fine.

Among the goodies are bookmarks, pens, buttons, BOOKS!, and a couple of items so special you'll have to jump through a hoop or two in order to get a chance to win one. [evil grin]

Stay tuned!

RT Day 4: In Which Carolan Spews (But Does Not Pee Her Pants)

Yes, you read the date and timestamp right - it is 2 a.m. Sunday morning and I'm just staggering in from the bar! Staggering because I'm exhausted, not because I was imbibing. Truly, if I never see another mojito again it will be too soon.

The Book Fair was a roaring success - so roaring, we blew a fuse, plunging the entire ballroom into darkness just 10 minutes before closing time. Which means the cash registers shut down, too! After the requisite collective gasp of surprise, in the blackness I saw dozens of cell phones being flipped open. A cell phone as a substitute for a flashlight? That's a new one on me! A few of us started singing "Kum Ba Yah". I found my mini flashlight and held it in my teeth while I finished signing my leftover books. :)

I'm pleased to report I sold more books this year than in all my other RT bookfairs combined! Even some that didn't buy came up to me, pointed at the Love & Lore cover, and took the time to tell me how much they liked "Wildish Things"!

I sat next to the beautiful and statuesque Jackie Ivie. Of course we had to trade books, since we are probably distantly related on our Cornish ancestors' side. :) She gave me "Heart of a Knight" and I can't wait to read it. I hope she enjoys WT on her flight back to Anchorage.

Let's see, what else...

Not being able to find a table for a late lunch in the hotel, Jade Lee, Cindy Holby, Isabo Kelly (with Moonbo on board), JC and I repaired to our room to break out the cold pizza, cheese, crackers, bagels, and whatever else we could graze on. For over an hour we camped out among the food, trading stories and screaming with laughter.

Yes, the title of this post is right, I spewed Coke all over myself as Jade told a story I will not repeat here. Nor in polite company anywhere on this earth. Jade, you're a goddess and I adore you.

A while later we had dinner at the Palomino restaurant in downtown Pittsburgh followed, in which I ate myself painfully full on cheese fondue, seafood louis salad, and creme brulee. This is the first time since the Walmart Odyssey that I poked my head outside the hotel. It smelled of rain when we left and was raining slightly on the walk back.

Stomach too full to go to bed, we ended up in the bar (imagine that...) for an evening of observing the human species at play that I find difficult to describe. J.C.'s blog will probably 'splain it better than I. Suffice to say at one point there were 13 of us lined up along the back wall, observing the goings-on across the room at the bar. J.C. was giving the play by play, complete with barks of "Batter UP!" at crucial moments. "Seventh inning stretches" were filled in with renditions of "Take me out to the ballllll gaaaaaame." The amusement turned to a bit of squick for me when I learned that the gentleman in question is married, and not to the barely-dressed object of his, erm, affections.

As usual, I left too soon, dizzy with fatigue. I later found out the floggings began right after I left. Well, phooey. Just when things were getting really good, my camera wasn't around to bring it home to you. My abject apologies. [grin] Will, I hope you got your flogger back at some point from the woman who swiped it from you. ;) I've got a book of yours and Alessia's I promise to try to remember to carry with me tomorrow for you both to sign. Thanks for the tour of your lace-up suede boots.

The Dorchester party was great fun, and free books were carted home by all. The band was fantastic, very danceable. I came away with a copy of "These Boots Are Made for Stomping." :)

More tomorrow, probably after I get home. Between packing up, attending the Samhain Sayonara, and driving home, it'll be a while. :)

G-Night.

RT Day 3: In Which Carolan Needs No Other Vampire Costume...

...other than her bloodshot eyes.

Yes, friends, between the dry hotel air and the remodeling dust that pervades the building, my contact lenses are stowed for the duration.

Last night's Midnight Texas Holdem tournament, hosted by Christine Feehan, was so worth the pain of staying up late! I've never played before but author C.L. Wilson was kind enough to coach me enough that at least I wasn't the first one out. :) She, of course, won the table and generously shared her prize bag with the rest of us at the table. Next year, if Christine has this event again, I will plan it better and hopefully enjoy it to the fullest extent. :)

Today was blur of time spent in Club RT, the awards luncheon (Look! More chicken!) and generally hanging out with readers and author friends all day. I met the nicest bookseller standing in line for the luncheon...she hasn't opened her doors yet but she plans to cater to the elderly and infirm in Florida who can't get out to buy books, and don't shop on Amazon. I hope she will email me because of course her name fell right out of my head.

I met and chatted a bit with Smart Bitch Sarah this evening for a couple hours before the vampire ball. It was my pleasure to just listen to this very sharp woman talk - she knows her stuff.

I didn't quite make it into the vampire ball...I know Heather Graham puts on a great party, but I just wasn't hungry, and wasn't up to the crush of people and noise. I contented myself sitting in the common area outside the ballroom, watching the parade of sexy costumes. Most were in the best of taste - some, to be honest, crossed the line from inappropriate to outright trashy. This is what RT is all about? Where's the fantasy and romance? Where are the gentlemanly cover models? Actually the Mr. Romance competitors are still gentlemen, but the badly behaved models [cough Cavemen cough] are hogging the attention. Like the one that nearly landed on my head by jumping around the bar like an out of control monkey.

What does it say about this event where it seems wardrobe malfunctions and public simulated sex are so commonplace almost no one notices or raises and eyebrow? That an author thinks it attractions the right kind of attention to her work by dressing as little more than a streetwalker, complete with bowl of cherries nestled between her breasts - and then stands around wondering why no one is coming within ten feet of her.

Now I'm no prude, but I didn't pay 1K to be here to watch other women's private parts spill out all over the place when I'm attempting to eat.

And let's talk a little bit about snark. There was even a snark workshop this year. I'm completely capable of appreciating well-done snark - it's probably the world's third oldest profession, after all. But when did snark degenerate into "It's okay to make unkind remarks because it's just snark and if you're offended than you obviously need a humor transplant"? Words have power. They are not to be tossed around like spit wads.

And let's not talk about the guy wearing the Dark Castle Lords t-shirt who didn't bother to do his research about how to properly present himself in a kilt. I know, he was trying to draw attention to his dotcom by flashing the plaid and his manly legs. Kilt and T-Shirt stretched over a nicely muscled chest - gooood. Brown leather huarachi-type sandals - wroooooong. It would have been better if he'd gone barefoot.

Now, on the other hand, Will Belegon knows how to carry off a kilt and plaid with style. Bravo, Will! You looked smashing. I have a book for you to sign.

Where is security? Tonight I saw random men from the bar downstairs wandering up to the ballroom to crash the party or just gawk. I'm pretty sure the impression they're going to get and take home with them is not going to be altogether favorable. That's too bad for our industry.

Okay, let's talk about the wonderful costumes - the two ladies wearing gorgeous antebellum and Victorian - and historically accurate - dresses. You looked gorgeous, ladies! I also enjoyed the humor - the Cousin It, the Uncle Fester, the Ghostbuster and vampire slayers. :) That's the spirit!

On another bright note, I spent some time with Katherine Kingston, Jessica Bimberg, Ashleigh Raine, Beth Williamson, Mechele Armstrong and Melissa Lopez his afternoon, and had the pleasure of meeting Cheryl Holt, who is celebrating the release of her 20th book this year. We sat on the couch and talked industry while watching the costume parade go by. After all this success, she is still genuinely humbled when a reader expresses love for her work.

Coffee Time Romance.com had a live chat going on during the vamp ball, and as I sat in on the chat for a few minutes, I glanced up at a very nicely shaped male rear view and realized it was John DeSalvo. In a move I would never have contemplated even a couple years ago (J.C. has taught me well), I tapped him on the shoulder and invited him into the chat room. Nice guy that he is, he gave me 2 minutes to type for him while he talked online (I type faster. [grin])

Now that's class.

What does it say that classy behavior is becoming the exception rather than the rule at RT?

Much as I love getting together with my author friends and meeting readers, I'm not certain that Orlando '09 is going to be on my schedule next year. I believe my conference money is better spent at smaller, more intimate events like Celebrate Romance, and the Lori Foster get-together in June. Now, those ladies know how to put on an intelligent, stripped down, no frills, it's-all-about-the-books event.

Forgive me, it's 1:30 a.m. and I'm beyond tired.

Tomorrow is the Bataan death march of book fairs. :) I'm off to bed.

RT Day 2: In Which the Jr. Suite Gals...

...wreak havoc in the panels.

This year I was asked to step in and moderate a panel when the very lovely Eden Robins couldn't attend RT at the last minute. When I stepped into my panel, the "Psychics: Fact or Fiction?" panel, I had to force myself not to drop instantly into my "I'm not worthy!" genuflection. There right beside me were Marilyn Campbell, Jade Lee, Gail DeYoung and Hollie Van Horn. I wished I were sitting in the audience taking notes rather than moderating the questions!

But I managed to get through it with proper (cough) decorum, and without hyperventilating.

Then of course I had to drop in on J.C.'s panel just to see what kind of havoc she was wreaking. She didn't disappoint. :)

Couldn't seem to stay out of Club RT! It's a hoppin' spot and of course my favorite vendor is there, Frozen Light jewelry. I simply plan on giving them a big chunk of my discretionary spending money whenever I'm at RT.

The best part - a reader seeking me out to tell me she'd loved Wildish Things. :)

I got to sit with Melissa Lopez at the Samhain table for a delightful half hour, in which Lynne Connolly let us play with her adorable little mini-laptop.

We also met a wonderful therapy dog named Peggi, who was clearly enjoying all the attention she attracted wherever she went.

The one panel I managed to get to was "Book in Three Minutes with Joy Nash, Donna Birdsell and Emily Bryan. I highly recommend this panel to get your creative juices flowing. There is no plot knot these ladies can't pluck loose. Luckily for Joy, I had to leave right at the end of the panel before I had a chance to go slobbery fangirl all over her.

Gia Dawn and I bonded over a couple of cold ones in the bar and completely lost track of time. I swear, I fall in love with this amazing writer and wonderful woman every time I see her. We're always finding something else we have in common, from our inner insecurities to our wonderful families.

Once again just missed snagging Will Belegon at the Faery Ball. I saw him swash by in all his piratey glory, but it was too noisy in there for him to hear me wailing in despair as he was swallowed up by a flock of faery winged partyers.

The costumes were, as always, spectacular. However Bianca D'Arc and I were witness to at least one wardrobe malfunction that will give us nightmares for weeks to come. :) Suffice to say that if one is going to wear a skin-tight mermaid dress with no straps, a little bit more than prayer is needed too keep that baby from "heading south."

They're called STRAPLESS BRAS. Learn to love them, people. 'Nuff said.

Let's not talk about the woman who didn't get the memo that this was not a Victoria's Secret runway show. Ahem. Poor Scott Carpenter got an eyefull he sure didn't need. (LOVED your costume, Scott! Next year - tights!)

(Note to the FAR ladies - THANK YOU for letting me sit at your table!!)

I'm now supposed to be taking a brief nap before heading down to Christine Feehan's Texas Holdem tournament, but I'm afraid if I close my eyes that'll be it and I'll be out till morning. Tomorrow promises to be a much more laid-back day. And I owe Gia a couple cold ones.

Back into the fray tomorrow!

RT Day 1: In Which We Spend Half The Morning...

...in my car attempting to follow J.C. Wilder's possessed Magellan to the nearest Walmart in pursuit of A) a REAL coffee-maker and B) a mini-fridge.

I figure if I use both only for conferences, I can write it off. Right? Right? Anyone?

This alleged 6 mile jaunt took a total of 45 minutes to accomplish. Then the three of us (one of our editors was along with us) scattered across the store in different directions.

Somehow we all ended up in the shoe section. Go figure.

I came away with an adorable pair of red high-top sneakers that will go perfectly with my red and black blazer and pants outfit for tomorrow.

Let's see, what else...

Lisa Jackson has some of the best promo stuff. I never pass up a free t-shirt, ever. This one is cool.

I walked by a doorway on the Ballroom level and somehow got sucked into the rollicking vortex that was the Intergalactic Bar and Grill. Somehow I came out wearing a screaming purple sequined tiara. The best part? I forgot I had it on. I wandered around the ebook expo wondering why everyone was smiling and bowing in my direction. Wow! My fame as an author must be spreading!

Uh, no.

It was the screaming purple tiara.

Oh well, it was a great conversation starter, and at RT it's all about attracting attention to oneself.

Saw S.J. Willing and his lovely partner Theresa at the ebook expo. It was good to see him looking so well.

I cannot BELIEVE I did this... a camera crew walked up to me when they saw my pubbed author badge and offered to interview me for their documentary. I promptly stuttered and steered them in the direction of the lovely, statuesque, and beautifully pregnant Isabo Kelly, who was decked out all in black, her hair in a princess Leia braid, and sporting a sword across her back.

Me? Pass up a chance for free promo? I should turn in my promo ho card forthwith. [hanging head in shame]

Luckily Isabo was gracious enough to mention my name for the anthology we did together.

Am busy kicking my own butt now...

I adore Linnea Sinclair. She's a kind and generous person, not just a fantastic author.

Stacy Klemstein. She's darling. Especially after three martinis. ;)

My table at the Intergalactic Bar and Grill came THIS CLOSE to winning a big prize basket. We did very well on the trivia questions, though. Best part - watching the lawyer at our table get into a laser-gun death ray match with a doctor. Oh, yes, there will be a photo posted of this!

We had a nicely attended pizza party in our room this evening.

J.C. and I have come to the conclusion that we've reach An Age where some kind of a suite will be required at every con from now on. Doing the whole sharing-the-college-dorm-sized rooms are fun when you're young and don't mind climbing over everyone's stuff and each other. But ya know, we just don't climb all that well any more.

Tomorrow is going to be busy...I start off with a stint in Club RT at 10:30 a.m., then moderating the "Psychic Fact or Fiction" panel at 11:30. I'm free to panel-hop until 2:30, when I'm doing another stint in Club RT. My biggest scheduling blunder? Signing up for Christine Feehan's Speakeasy poker tourney. At mignight tomorrow.

Not that I'm not looking forward to it - even though I have NO idea how to play poker - but let's face it, after a full day I'm going to be wanting to snooze at midnight. Oh well. How often do I get to do stuff like this? It'll be fun. And I'll probably be out of chips in 15 seconds anyway. LOL

I have my REAL coffee maker set up for tomorrow, loaded with my freshly ground Kona coffee. None of this "pod" coffee stuff for me. I made some pod coffee this morning and it wasn't bad, honestly, but after 2 cups I wasn't feelin' it. I still needed a can of diet Coke to open my eyes.

Ok, I'm off to bed. :)

"It's All About Scaring The Straights..."

The Day Before RT

Compared to last year's odyssey Road Trip To RT Houston Via New Orleans, yesterday's 3 hour jaunt to Pittsburgh was a mere day trip.

The best thing that happened was we pulled into a random highway rest area to, well, you know. J.C. was in the middle of telling me something (not like I was listening, I kind of tune her out after the first hour, you know), and abruptly she is screaming "ROSEMARYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" at a hypersonic pitch only a few talented dogs can hear.

I turned around and there is Rosemary Laurey hobbling toward us, trailed by her Southern Gentleman husband George. She, too, is having foot issues, having just broke it a few weeks ago. Great, all three of us will be gimping around with canes all week! LOL

In short order two more authors appeared, and within seconds we were having our first RT gab session on the sidewalk at a random roadside rest in Ohio. Ah, the magic has already begun.

More fun-ness:

By some miracle we scored a junior suite at the Pittsburgh Hilton, which we hadn't planned on but find we sorely needed to accommodate the six boxes of promo we brought!

Not 30 seconds inside the lobby door, and we learned that the SF/Fantasy Romance contingent have named Isabo Kelly's expected bundle of joy: "Moon Beaver." Don't ask.

My abs are already sore from dinner last night with J.C. Wilder, Linnea Sinclear, Stacy Klemstein, Cindy Holby, Isabo Kelly and Robin D. Owens. I won't name names, but one of spewed liquids. From more than one bodily orifice.

I think we gave our little waitress an education she will never forget, as she managed to approach the table at the most odd moments. "Tripod method..." "...a double ended sex toy named Thor..."

We cleared the section of the restaurant we were sitting in. The last holdouts were four people who kept throwing disapproving glances in our hootin-and-hollering direction. (Okay, it must have been the 60 decibel conversation about anal sex, I will admit...). As J.C. so aptly put it, "It's all about scaring the straights."

"You're getting MORE ice?" (Gia Dawn, camped out in the hallway talking to her family on her cell, after my fourth trip past her on my way to the floor below to the ice machine since THE ONE ON OUR FLOOR IS BROKEN. *ahem*

Well, I'm off to get my coffee. RT Day One, straight ahead!

Our work finished for the day, we staggered off to bed around midnight.